An Apple a Day...
GW student Sheila Page shares her experience with open adoption
John McCormack
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On October 30, GW's pro-life group Colonials for Life hosted its second annual "Apples for Adoption" event to promote adoption as a healthy alternative to abortion for both mother and child. Students handed out five bushels of apples and over 600 fliers with facts about adoption. Sheila Page, a student in the Graduate School of Political Management, knows a thing or two about open adoption, as she experienced the process firsthand during her days as an undergraduate. She shares her courageous and beautiful story here.
John McCormack: What were the circumstances of your pregnancy and how did you choose open adoption?
Sheila Page: While studying abroad in France, I became pregnant in April of 2002 but did not find out until May of 2002. I had been excited about returning home to my friends at Loyola College in Maryland where we already had our house picked out for senior year. When I found out I was pregnant, the idea of adoption hit me immediately. Even as I screamed and cried, my faith in God reassured me that good would come from the pregnancy. I believe that life is full of miracles--that life is a miracle--and I was blessed to fulfill the prayers of a couple who wanted a child so badly and was so ready for her. I went back home and contacted school and told them I was going to take a year sabbatical. I wanted to pursue adoption, but I didn't want to place my child with a family that lived close by, which is what the Arlington, VA Catholic Diocese does; they place your child in a home within the diocese. I was invited by relatives to move out to Wisconsin, and my sister and I moved out there in September, about 4 months before the birth. When I met with those who handle adoptions in the Diocese of Green Bay, I was thrilled to hear that they only did open adoptions. I had no idea what an "open adoption" was at first, but learned that I would hand pick the family I wanted to raise my daughter. I would meet them in person at the office and then would be able to contact them as much as I wanted to before the birth. I could have them present at the birth and then it was up to us to make arrangements for a continued relationship. I was so happy to meet the right family on my very first interview. They were amazing and they already had a 6 year old daughter who was adopted. This put to rest my fear that my daughter would never have any siblings. I was so happy. Of course, it was very very very difficult, and I definitely thought about parenting a lot. But throughout it all, I felt God was working through me to give the gift of life to my daughter's parents. Katrina Joelle was born January 18, 2003.
JM: How were friends, family, classmates, professors, and the child's father supportive or unsupportive?
SP: My family was supportive, but my parents were disappointed as well. They didn't "send me away" to Wisconsin, but life would have been more difficult had I spent the whole pregnancy at home. My sister and I had our own apartment and hung out regularly with my super supportive relatives out there. My parents visited several times and my mom moved out there for the month leading up to the birth and stayed there until we all (my sister, mom and I) came back home to Virginia. Some friends were supportive, some were not. I relied more on the best friend I had made when I was in France (she was the one who told me I was pregnant after buying and reading the test for me!), and other friends that I had not been particularly close with pre-pregnancy became closer throughout the ordeal, while some who were close before had a harder time being there for me. As for professors, I wasn't in school then, but when I came back, one of my French professors was very supportive. As for the baby's father, I think it's best for me to not say much about him until my daughter is old enough to understand. I will run the facts by her and then get a sense of what she's comfortable with other people knowing.
JM: What were difficulties you faced during your pregnancy?
SP: The most difficult thing about my pregnancy was the unknown. It's bizarre because you know exactly when everything will finally be "over" (7 more months, 6 more months, 3 more weeks, etc.) but you really have no idea until the birth what it's going to be like. In my case, I knew pretty much that I was going to do adoption. But no one could have prepared me for the actual birth, the holding of my baby girl and then the court process during which I had to swear before a judge that I would not contact my daughter until she was 21 (she could contact me at 18) if that was what her parents wished. Of course, that's just a legal formality. Her parents and I had grown close and we still are, so I knew I would still get to see my daughter. However, open adoption has no legal contract. It's a promise between the parents and the birth parents.
JM: How can we make GW a more hospitable environment for pregnant women to make life-affirming choices like adoption or motherhood?
SP: First, offer a support group. If there aren't many pregnant women on campus, get one together with local DC colleges. Let the mothers, pregnant or post-pregnancy, come together and support each other. One of the biggest sources of support I have right now is friend I met a year and a half ago who is also a birthmother in an open adoption. Her presence in my life is priceless. Second, don't treat pregnant women like charity cases. If they are at GW, they are most likely financially stable. In terms of child care, you could try to put together a group of willing students who might volunteer their time to care for infants. For housing, it would be great if GW provided on-campus housing for parenting students and reserved a few rooms, so that women don't have to move off campus during the later months of pregnancy or after birth. Most importantly, students must know what policies are in place. Like many schools, GW neglects to provide information about housing, financial aid, and taking time off for pregnant and parenting students. If you type in "pregnancy" in the search bar at my.gwu.edu, none of this information turns up. That's why GW should create a pregnancy resources center like the one at Georgetown to help women in crisis pregnancies find support services, both financial and emotional.
JM: What are some words of hope you would like to share with any students experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and why should they consider adoption?
SP: If you've just found out you're pregnant, RELAX. There is no reason to panic. If you took a test after missing a period or two, remember that your body has already been doing just fine even without you knowing! You didn't become pregnant the day you found out. Your body is doing what is natural for it to do. Relax and let biology take its course. It's a beautiful thing. Besides avoiding alcohol and smoke, you really don't need to do anything else. Easier said than done when it comes to your mental health. Find one person you trust (preferably a friend who is not the father) and tell him or her. You absolutely cannot do this alone. Once you have told one person and have sought guidance from him or her, sleep on it. Afterwards, try to tell your parents, boyfriend, etc. Although you might be scared of what they will say, you are not doing yourself any favors by hiding. Truly, what is the worst that could happen? You aren't dying--quite the contrary! You and your baby are more alive than ever and there is something so beautiful going on right inside of you. There are so many welcoming places for you to go.
Parenting is always an option. Most women will choose it. As beautiful as adoption is, it doesn't feel natural. Your hormones, your brain and your heart will fight you on it daily but you need to remember what is best for your child. All the natural biological instincts will encourage you to hold on to your baby, to shield your baby, to protect your baby. However, try to keep in mind that it's quite possible that the best way to hold, shield and protect your baby is to place him or her in the hands of two (in my case three) loving and committed people. If you honestly feel that you and the baby's father can provide that, then keep your child. Adoption is not for you. If there is any doubt though, consider open adoption. It was what made placing my child possible. I never could have placed her if I had known that I would never see her again until she was grown up. I couldn't bear that, even knowing she would be better off. Open adoption is truly God at work. It provides you with peace of mind. It provides the parents with a child. It provides the child with so many people who love him or her and a true understanding of where he or she came from and why he or she is where he or she is now.
John McCormack is editor of The GW Patriot and an officer in Colonials for Life.